二零零九

還有三天, 二零零九就成過去. 有點不捨得. 不捨得的是一些回憶及一些人物. 離開了舊公司絶對是我一大件事. 其實我一直不太放得開, 永遠逃避此話題, 經常發相關的夢. 事實我不再是他們的他們, 已有半年時間. 為何都要執著 ................

I am not strong enough

這些日子, 我都彷彿在折磨自己. 凡事往壞方面處想. 不再是positive 小子. 正能量負數. 怎樣?? 很懷疑, 很擔心.........Want some solid things. Want some promises / commitmenst. Maybe i give myself too much pressure. Maybe i never get enough pressure.

So confusing!!! 174 is 174. Need find out some solutions to escape exisiting situation. Give me a hand or give me a diet menu. They both workable. What i am asking for? what i can asking for?

I need to fix my silly thinking / attitude / body before 2010. Cheer up. Tmw is a crazy day!! Hate Rockstart, hate 肥豬, hate everyone. Hate myself!!!!

衝動

我有點衝動, 可能是點激動. 腦袋不斷的轉完又轉, 很多永遠也解決不了的問題正在浮游著, 是我太執著, 還是太幼稚? 我給重重的打倒了. 回想原因, 應該是我的放不低. 我什麼都不是. 我只是別人的那個這個. 從來不突出, 不特別, 不閃亮. 不如讓我哭過後新的一樣. 我沉淪, 若有天可以失點憶, 想我不會介意.

也不如殺死我, 或我陪你哭吧. 見你無奈的眼神, 我心痛要命, 不能自拔. 救救我好嗎? 帶我離開, 請不要折磨. 睡不了, 蓋上眼總是你. 給我一把槍, 待我處理那些剪不斷的問題. 謝謝.

無人之境

突然好喜歡聽"無人之境", 喜歡它的歌詞, 喜歡它的感覺. "好想說謊　不眨眼睛"........好想鬼混. 好想那種亂的情況. 我想放任地隨意愛愛愛, 愛個夠. "我信與你繼續亂纏　難再有發展　但我想跟你亂纏", 有些事情, 根本不應太清楚. 任自已落入無底深潭, 無人之境. 不用理會別人的眼光. 儘力爭取, 怕什麼成為第三者, 不要永遠的清醒. 就算是錯, 就算只能享受幾分鐘, 又如何?? "但我喜歡這罪名", 對. 我不介意這罪名, 錯的罪名. 容許我愛吧. 我承受得起這結果. 我真的可以承受 ..........

Distance

Just find out that there will be a huge distance between u and me. I do feel excited that u get a better and higher position in such a short period. Proud of u and understand the living standard can improve at some level.

But ............start worry about myself. How i can narrow down this gap? How i can improve my situation? Am i think too much? How i can manage my future?? Why there are so many questions and pressure come out these few hours?

Stupid!!! Useless!! Pak Chi!!!

賓尼兔

這些日子, 我失常的, 不停的, 任性的, 大量的, 在yahoo拍賣網頁賣買東西. 真無一點誇張. 我放任的問價出價. 什麼賓尼兔, 加菲猫, 藍精靈 .........我都好有興趣買. 作死!!!開始到不能自拔的地步. 已買了隻無謂杯同白痴公仔, 還有低能 figure. 哈哈. 我今期大件事.

做什麼??

我在做什麼?? 繼續迷 ...........
I always in the middle between someone and someone. Feeling is not great. Who will win this competition at the end? I don't know. But i am 100% sure that one is not me. I want to get a better position. Unfortunately, the exisiting situation is not workable for me to alive in a smart way.

Even i push myself a bit tighter. The end result will be the same. Let's wait for the chance coming. I do hv confidence to achieve the goal on next year. Be strong and fight for it by my own way.

Suddenly want to buy a CD. It may be the only one CD i buy this 2009!!

聖誕節

還有二十日, 便是聖誕節的大日子. 比較其他節日, 聖誕節是我最愛的.可能因為聖誕節氣氛特別濃吧. 聖誕節可以食buffet, 看電影, 收禮物, 實在開心. 今年應該有godiva buffet, full moon movie, buster bunny gifts.................

怕禮物未能於12/24到港. 真不想正日收不到禮物. what i can do to avoid this happening on me??Maybe i need to do something right now.

婆婆

婆婆突然入醫院做手術, 以她八十多歲的高齡, 全家都很是擔心. 手術後, 婆婆還好醒過來, 精神也可以, 謝謝上天的幫手.

老實說, 跟婆婆的關係不是最好. 若爺爺, 奶奶, 公公還在世的話. 婆婆定被我打入冷宮. 一直以來, 婆婆永遠是最多投訴的一個老人. 愛哭愛鬧亦是她對子女們的本領. 可是婆婆對我實在很好, 重沒有半句責駡, 每每見我都說是她孫中最好的. 她最擔心的應是我何時成家立室吧...............

望著婆婆, 心有點傷. 見她辛苦一世, 現在生存對她已好像不再有太大意思. Maybe this is real life. We get to face it!! Just hope she is happy and enjoy her balance life with us.